Solitude Transcended

30 March

We'd had a late lunch or early dinner. It was a matter of preference which name you attached to it. Afterwards we'd spent a good hour together, in the kitchen no less, entangled on the wood laden floor. I had gone in there to try and do the dishes; though the attempt failed miserably. After a quick shower Colin had wanted to lie down. Me? I didn't want to waste another sunset here without seeing it happen. I threw on that cover up and made my way down to the waters edge.

I supposed I was out here for the calm and beauty and sunset. I was also out here to rid myself of what I knew was, inevitably, coming once again. We would be leaving in two days. Once again, though totally void of scrutiny, duty and work, it was not enough. It never would be. I needed time away from him for him to not see me in this state. Practicality allowed me to qualify he knew I was feeling it. Intelligence had kept him from mentioning it. Sure I knew he knew where my head and heart were right now. We'd been down this road enough times that it had become an unspoken knowledge.

I brought nothing with me, out here, and nothing else on but this shift. I walked into the water just enough to cover my feet and started walking the shoreline. Where was I going to go, really? I didn't want to wander on to the next private property. The furthest I could go was Zenith Cove; and that wasn't very far. I got to the point of land that was a barrier separating the inlet and our beach, found a tree stump to lean against and sat down to watch another day in my life come to a close.

I leaned my head back, resolved to not cry, unsuccessfully. My ducts allowed a few tears to escape and roll down my cheeks.

"Di, is that you?"

"Hill?"

"Hey, yeah, over here."

I wiped my face and turned to the familiar voice and the aroma of her favorite smokes.

"When'd you get here?"

"Just now."

She came over and fell in line next to me.

"Came down to the beach. Thought I saw you being contemplative."

"Was it that obvious?"

"I've seen the body language before."

"Oh...."

"Anywho.... I followed you. You okay?"

"I guess so."

"Hmm."

"What do you mean...hmm?"

"When you go out on a beach in a part of the world akin to God's paradise, alone, at sunset, you're either having a think or really stupid to be wasting it alone in the first place."

"Cute Hill."

"So, where is he? Hiding in the bushes?"

"Having a nap."

"Now?"

"And it wouldn't be the first time I've done this in the whole of my life."

"Now?"

"I heard you."

"You did him in this early?"

"I don't really think you want details and I don't want to discuss it."

I got up and gave her a half-serious, half-mischievous look and started walking back to the beach. She was stride for stride with me in ten seconds.

"So what do you feel like doing?"

"When?"

"Ah... now."

"Nothing. Go back, check email, read a book, or something."

"You can't do that and leave me here hanging."

I was slightly confused by her statement and was formulating a response as we walked out into the water, ankle deep again, as both she and I always did walking on a beach. She got in closer to me and nudged me a little. It was unexpected and I stumbled a little.

"What Hilly?"

She stopped, turned and splashed water on me.

"Give it up Di."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, you tell me about rocking the boat and not this?"

"It wasn't that big a deal. Just sex. Do I have to report everything?"

"No, only when you wear him to a frazzle."

I crossed my arms and started walking away from her. A bad move on my part.

"I didn't."

"He's fucking asleep at seven in the evening and you want me to believe that?"

"It's been a long week..."

"It's been a hard week, you mean. As in he has been, a....lot."

"Shut up."

She took my arm and glared into me.

"Did you just tell me to shut up?"

I couldn't help myself and spit my reply through a voice trying not to laugh.

"I did. What about it?"

"Oh...really!?"

That's when she gave a heave and I went down on my butt in the water. My dress was history. I was half wet, half not and salt was in my eyes, but she had thrown the proverbial gauntlet. I didn't bother to get up because she was going to join me. I feigned turning sideways then leapt forward, wrapping her knees tight and pulling her down, on top of myself, no less. I didn't care, she was wet now too. She fell off to one side and got a little wetter, then found my face.

"You look like Medusa."

"You don't look so good yourself."

Then I pushed her again and her splash caught me off guard. She came up with seaweed on her that she promptly removed and held out. I was already a goner as we both busted out laughing and fell back into the water. We laid there for a few minutes and I started checking for stars that were sure to come out soon. I was looking for that first one. I wasn't having much luck, perhaps it was too early. Then I felt a hand take mine.

"Better?"

"Yea, I think so."

"So, are you going to tell me now?"

I sat up, looked back at her, got up and sloshed off in a feigned huff.

"You're impossible too."

"I am not."

I didn't look back as I heard splashing, from her running, come to a halt next to me.

"Wanna see who finds a starfish first?"

"Out here? Easier to find a man-o-war, I think."

"You never know, Di. It's why you're out here."

"Is it?"

We went in closer to the waters edge and started sweeping the ground, in circles. Then she went on ahead of me. For some reason she had separated us and her pace quickened, then slowed down when she got about twenty yards up, turned and put her hands on her hips.

"It's how we used to do it. You come to meet me. Saves time."

"Sure, Hill, whatever."

I swiped my feet amongst small broken pieces of various empty homes of long gone sea life. There wasn't an intact shell to be found in my line of vision. I almost gave up when I was within five feet of Hilly, who, apparently, had already given up. Then a larger than normal height ending wave washed over my feet. As it receded back to join the rest of its brothers in the brine, a large, unmistakable, colorful starfish clung for life to the dampened sand.

"It's for you, Di."

As I kneeled down I kept my eyes on her, watching her smile and shake her head with approval.

"It can't stay here, Hill, it'll die."

"Make your wish."

I picked it up in both hands, stood and carefully walked out into the water until I was thigh deep. I leaned into the wetness until my hands found the bottom and let the starfish go to find it's home again. I stood up and as I turned I saw my first star of the night, smiled, found Hilly standing on the shore, hands on her hips and, beyond, Colin in a window.