Seasoned Solutions

5 June

The surreptitious nature of my relationship with Colin had, from the beginning, been something I continually looked forward to. I could never be assured anything would ever happen.  Though somehow it always flourished in some form or fashion. He was playing me once again.  Perhaps the events surrounding both attempts were making the entreaties less welcome. I was tiring of the games, especially the current one. One I didn't see and one I now couldn't stop.

I had thirty minutes to be at his trailer.  I'd spent the past two hours going over the scene. It didn't make much sense to me no matter how many times I read it. The whole thing...it just seemed like something was missing or I was missing something myself. Maybe they had updated part of it and I would find out when I got there.  Who knew?  I was as ready as I was going to get. It would work or not and I seriously believed it the latter. I gathered my credentials, my script and my fortitude and headed out.

I knew which trailer to go to.  They had given all the extras a tour on our first day, though for a time I thought I was lost. Not so, I had remembered.  Before I could knock the door opened.

"On time as always I see."

"Did you expect less then?"

"No, not really.  I see you've changed."
"Of course I did.  That outfit was because, well...forget it.  It's June, it's Texas and it's hot. Can I come in then, or are we going to converse on the steps all evening?"

"Sorry, come on."

I entered the trailer, it was magnificent.  Not that I'd seen many performers trailers in my life, but it had everything.  I was feeling out of place and uncomfortable so I just stood there.  I assume I was waiting to be told what to do.  He just walked over to the fridge, grabbed a soda and sat down on the sofa.  I stayed near the doorway. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing and I was waiting for him. As many times as we had been in each others company I'd never felt so self-conscious as now.

"You going to sit down?"

"Oh, sure.  This will do."  I sat at the table in what appeared to be a kitchenette type area. 

"So are you ready for tonight?"

"Meaning what?"

"Have you got your part down?"

"Oh, that, well...not exactly.  I'm quite uncertain of the scene."

"In what way?"

"It doesn't make sense."

"No?"

"Colin, it's missing something.  A lot actually.  I have no idea what is happening in it."

"Let me take a look at your script."

He got up and walked over to the table.  I handed him my pages and waited for him to tell me something was amiss.  At least I hoped he would tell me something, anything was wrong.

"No.  It's all there."

"All there?  Colin, it has me walking down the steps at the Paseo del Alamo, you are walking towards me.  You grab my arm. I wait for you to finish your actions.  I step back in shock and surprise and say, questioningly "Aidan?"  Your actions?  What the hell is that?  And how am I supposed to know what you are doing and when you are finished for me to step back?"

"You'll know."

"I will?"

"If you don't they'll cue you and we'll try it again."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?"

I still had no idea how Marie fit into this or where her character was coming from or going. I figured they must not much care how I portrayed her. I would just do what I could.  I took my script back and lay it down on the table.  Colin moved behind me.

"So, we have to work out some sort of make-up, wardrobe, sharing the trailer schedule don't we?"

"No....I've taken care of that.  They'll be here around eight."

He put his hands on my shoulders.

"Eight?  You told me to be here at five. I crammed learning this and worrying because time was short and they won't be here until eight?  I could be resting."
His hands were now moving down my arms. He leaned down and kissed my neck.  Always a weak spot in me.

"Colin!  No, dammit!  Don't you dare start anything."

I got up from the table and walked over towards his living area, turned around and let loose.  I guess it had been building. And I knew he wasn't prepared.

"Ever since we've known each other you've done this to me.  These games.  You're always playing games. I'm tired of it.  And terms?  The friendship or relationship or whatever you call it. Always on your terms.  The first time, the last time.  Last night.  This morning.  I'm tired of you messing with my head and my emotions."

"What?"

"You heard me.  You're not a stupid person Colin.  I know you know what I mean."

"Isn't it what you want?  What you expect?"

"Not necessarily.  Not now.  I mean, I'd loved to.  I want to yes, but....Oh Christ, I don't know."
"Damn Diane.  Make up your mind."

"But, you're working and you've practically totally ignored me then you up and lay a lip lock on me and leave me hanging.  It's not the first time.  It's become a bit of a pattern with you."

"Fuck all.  Can't I kiss you without it leading to a sexual encounter?"

"Yes, I'm sure that's possible.  It's just. Oh hell. I'm not getting this across coherently."

"Bollocks. You know what you want to say.  Why don't you just say it?  Come on, let's sit down.  Take your time."

I sat on the sofa, my hands on my lap and leaning forward.  I wasn't able to look at him even though I knew he was me.  Uncertain really as to how to explain what was going on in my head, I knew I owed him some form of explanation for the way I was feeling.

"I don't know Colin.  It......It's just not the same.  You're not the same or at least that's the impression I've gotten.  It probably has to do with the movie.  I'm sure that's the cause.  Not to say that you feel that way, but I do.  You're here to work and there are people all around. Maybe I'm afraid. It was different in London."

I glanced over at him. I was convinced he was totally confused by now though he didn't appear to be. He was being attentive.

"I'm not explaining this very well am I?"

"No, not really, but I believe I've gotten the general idea. I just don't quite understand the reference to London."

"Ok, well. Hmm. When I was in London, it was like a vacation and you, for the most part, were free to come and go.   There was the apartment.  I felt apart from everything else.  No one to worry about, lurking in corners and such.  But here...everyone's here.  There are so many people.  Anybody could stop in at anytime.  Here or at the penthouse.  I don't feel free to...."

"You know that seems like an excuse not an explanation."

"Maybe it is."  I sat back and tried to relax. I had more to say and didn't want to let it pass.

"So then, you mentioned that this has been on my terms? I'd thought it was mutually agreeable. If you'd rather I abstained from anything at all...."

"No.  I guess I'm just overwhelmed. It's just you seem to pick the most inopportune times to initiate our exploits. And you leave me so unnerved and in unprovoked states of emotion."

"Spontaneous I'd say."

"Oh, that it is. Sometimes a bit over the top though."

I got quiet now.  I began to think I'd overstepped the boundaries of the relationship by complaining too much.  Perhaps not the congenial friendship but the uncertainty of the intimate element.

"Come on then.  Cheer up.  I'm depending on you to help me survive being here."

"Really?  After what I just said?"

"Why not.  You were honest.  I can see why you are feeling what you are."
"Can you?  I mean, are you in no doubt?"

"Definitely."

I reached over and took his hand. He slapped me on my knee and got up.

"So, do you want to go over this scene?"

"Where? Here?"

"Why not?"

"Well, lack of room for one thing."

"Don't have to do the walking up part.  Just from where we run into one another."
"Do we? I mean run into each other?  I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing.  You saw my script is rather vague."

"Then we probably should get you some run throughs.  Perhaps you'll feel more comfortable with it later."

"Agreed.  Thanks."

"Not at all.  I did get you into this."

"Yes you did and that's another thing."

He turned around.  I knew it really was a moot point and I had no plan to pursue it.

"Okay, so direct me."

"Now that's an open invitation."

"Hmm, maybe it is."

I got up from the sofa and walked over near him.  He moved me back about five feet from him and told me to just walk towards him.

"You'll be coming down the stairway, I believe, towards me."

"And you know this because?"

"Tim and I were over there this afternoon.  We scouted the area for a place to shoot the scene."

I shrugged my shoulders.  "Okay let's try this."

I moved back a few more feet, he handed me a book.

"Read this as you walk."

"You sure?  I might trip over myself.  I can be a klutz, especially if they have me in heels.  It would never work.  I'd be thinking about that."

"Any suggestions then?"

"Hmm.  Oh, I could be looking for something in my purse?"

"That could work, we'll run it past Tim later."

"Alright, I do that.  Shall we give it a go then?"

"Did you want to practice walking first before we go further?"
"No, I think I can manage.  So I just walk towards you, but not at you.  Like I'm just out there after the game, perhaps walking home or some such thing?"

"Good, see you've got it. "

"Right. That remains to be seen."

"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

I side stepped slightly so that we weren't head on, looked down slightly as if I had a purse and began to walk.  Before I knew it he had my arm, pulled me close to him and planted another one of those sensual kisses on me.  Somehow I had a sneaking suspicion that this wasn't part of the scene, but I let it go on. It was lasting and gentle and passionate as it had been that first time in Battersea Park.  I knew where this could lead and a sense of calm began to fill my body and mind.  Too soon though, reality decided to overtake my thought patterns and I pushed away.  With alarm at both the kiss and my breaking it off I fell back a step.

"Colin?"

"I believe the name is Aidan."

"What?"

"Your line, it's Aidan."

"Is this part of the scene?"

"Not quite."

"Not quite?  I was hoping not at all to be your response to that."

"I meant, not all of it. Your step back and slight falter there, that was very good though.  Did you want to try it again and see if you can get the name right?  For the movie I mean.  Aidan instead of Colin."

"You're serious. This is the scene?  We're...I have..you're going to kiss me on screen?  I can't do this."

I somehow got my feet tangled and fell to a sit.  As I sat on the floor I looked up at him. 

"Is this what you assured them I'd know how to do?  That I'd be able to do without hesitation?"

"Not exactly."

"Oh?  Hmm, so what exactly?"

"Just let me say nothing that complex."

"It wasn't close to complex.  I'd say more towards intense and quite nice actually."

"Did you want to give it another go then?"

"I believe the proper response should be that I would have to think on it. However, propriety flies out the window here doesn't it?"

He reached down and helped me up off of the floor.
"So where do we start then?  Shall I go back a few feet again?"

"No, I don't think too much practice is necessary. We've done this before."

I knew he was no longer referring to the scene. I was no longer having the discomfiting feelings from last night as he pulled me in close to his body once again. We had seemed to learn from each other when it was the right moment to initiate our epicurean episodes. This time was going to be no different than any other. I wasn't vigilant in my former quest to perform the scene correctly.  In fact I lost all concern for the movie. I was too busy becoming entangled with this man and what was about to evolve.  There was no need for pretense.  My tank top and shorts soon found their way to the floor as we relocated to the sofa.

At first, what should have been easy was turning out to be an awkward situation.

"Are you sure this is something you want to do?  I won't if you're not wanting to."

"Colin, I've never not wanted to.  As unprepared or upset as I may ever appear around you, there is never a question in my mind."

"I had thought you had concerns about others finding out."

"I do, don't you?"

"Always."

"Then maybe we had better not.  At least not here, you think?  With wardrobe and makeup people expected."

He gently ran his hand across my cheek and rested it on my shoulder.  I was beginning to melt but tried to hold composure until I was certain where we were headed.

"Not until eight."

Inconspicuously I looked at my watch.  It was just after six. I stared at his twinkling, piercing eyes and knew this was going to happen. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him towards me.  It was my turn to rekindle the flame that had previously flared between us. He took my breath away and returned the attention with passion and lust as before.  Though the kiss had passion the sex was uncontrolled eagerness. Fervent and sweaty and hard. I had become lost in him once more.