Paradox

8 June

As we rode the elevator up to the penthouse I still wasn't overjoyed at the prospect of my daughter meeting my 'other lover'. She knew too much of our past history for me to be in any way comfortable with the situation unfolding in front of me...and him. Though I had never told her he knew we had had our confrontation I couldn't gauge how all of this would play out. Too much knowledge on all parts for anything near simplicity in this first actual acquaintance between them. It's not something I ever thought I would have to deal with. She knew I was nervous. She could read right through me on this one and stayed quietly reserved as the elevator stopped. Colin was standing there waiting for us. He had to be in black jeans, my favorite. He had on a loose fitting tee shirt, nothing flashy.
"Hello Diane, glad you could make it on such short notice. Sorry about changing the date and time here."
He took my hand as I exited and gave it a kiss. Not what I would have preferred, but reserved enough to cause no attention getting.
"And this is your daughter then?"
"Oh, sorry yes. Colin, this is Adele. Adele, Mr. Firth."
He took her hand as he had mine sans the kiss and let go gently.

"Call me Colin."
She had a fairly benign look about her and didn't move.
"I am delighted you've gotten involved with the fan site after our misunderstanding a few years back. In any case, shall we?"
He swooped his arm towards the living room behind him. That's the first time I realized we weren't alone. He'd made it...no, I couldn't say whether it was going to be easier or harder now.
"Before I forget any manners that I might have in any respect, you know I've been told I have none, shall I introduce everyone?"
He took Adele by the arm and walked her over near the sofa.
"Gentlemen, this is Diane's daughter, Adele. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your last name? No matter. First, this is, perhaps you've realized...Kenneth Branagh. Maybe you've heard of him?"
Ken stood up and shook her hand. Then Tim and Eric. He'd assembled the troops. To what end I'd no idea. Perhaps to lessen any suspicions on anyone's part.
"Diane, we can tend to the interview later I suppose. Tim wanted to go over some changes for tomorrow's shoot so I just had everyone come here. I hope this isn't a problem."
"No, I just need to get done early. I have to drive down there later tonight. I'd prefer to be out of here by nine or ten at latest."
I took a seat next to Ken on the long sofa. Adele sat next to me, putting herself on the end. He then put his hand - ever so lightly - on my thigh which shocked the heck out of me. He leaned in towards my ear and whispered.
"Your daughter seems a bit uptight."
I nonchalantly took his hand and removed it from where he had placed it and gave him an affirmative nod to his statement. I never moved my head or eyes from the rest of the group. I knew I had to be on guard for anything that might be misconstrued, by anyone. I hoped Adele hadn't seen Ken's action, though it was blatantly obvious. I knew immediately that Colin had taken notice of it. As I surveyed the room and focused on him he had a somewhat displeased air about him. I mouthed 'what?' I hadn't done anything and surely it was a harmless action on Ken's part. Regardless of the innocence of it he was giving us both a scowl. I had to break the tension that apparently was building up over this insignificant act.
"So Tim, what are these changes? Do I need new pages or anything?"
Before Tim could answer, Colin interrupted the questioning.
"I've some refreshments. I think now would be a good time for those. Before we start. What do you think?"
We all looked at each other. No one seemed to want to answer.
"Good...right then, I'll just go get them. I'll need a hand here. Diane would you be wonderful and help me out then?"
I didn't move. I was too aware of being watched. Tim and Eric didn't appear to be aware of anything. Ken just watched me and my daughter. I didn't turn my eyes on her, but I knew hers were on me. I didn't hesitate. That may have given her cause to dissect anything about our current relationship.
"Sure, I guess, why the hell not?"
I casually got up and shrugged my shoulders feigning annoyance at his request. I turned round to the rest of the group.
"Gee, thanks everyone. Remember, I didn't volunteer for this. Be right back."
I walked as easily as I could and entered the kitchen. He'd closed the door behind him. Something he hadn't done for the past week.
"What are you thinking? I can't leave her out there with them for any amount of time. She'll get suspicious. Especially since I've had to feign not seeing this place before. I don't believe I was convincing in that respect."
"Then I suppose we should stop wasting time."
"Wasting time? You're the one who's preparing this little snack and showing off your prowess in the kitchen...such as it may be, remember?"
"That's already done. Nothing left to do. As for the prowess part, I believe I've shown you that in a kitchen before."
"Yes, I believe you have. So what's the point of this then? Did you just need help getting the stuff out there? Where is it anyway?"
"It can wait a few minutes. What was going on out there?"
"Excuse me? What what was going on when?"
"That, with Ken, the hand on your thigh business."
"You're kidding right?"
"Not at all."
"Nothing was going on if you must know. Not that it's really a major concern."
"I think it is."
"Why? Nothing happened, he just made an observation."
He stared at me like he had been doing in the living room. I was actually annoyed by it.
"Look, he just leaned in and made an observation about Adele, if you must know. Nothing more. Does that satisfy your curiosity?"
"I suppose."
"You suppose? You were there the whole time, did you see anything different than that?"
"Honestly? Yes, I saw it differently."
"Ya know, I think you're seeing things. In any case I think we should put this on hold if you want to discuss this some other time we can. We need to get done here and go back out."
"In a minute."
"Colin....we're in here with the door closed. The only one out there who won't get suspicious is Ken. He'll probably think something is going on, even if it isn't. Adele thought this was an interview, but I haven't asked a damn thing yet. Eric and Tim are here for a social night and Lord knows what they're thinking."
"You worry too much."
"Do I?"
"Yes. You know as well as I that nothing other than a polite evening can take place.......for now."
"You're right. Wait...for now?"
He was right. I was worrying needlessly. Or was it needlessly? No trysts would occur here and now. I supposed we were having a few moments off by ourselves. Nothing more. It was all I could presently hope for. I leaned back against the counter and just watched him as he got out trays, small plates, utensils other little items. As he prepared the mixed drinks I realized he had done this to give me a little time to be with him.
"Hey, you planning on helping me out here?"
"Doing what? I've no idea what you're concocting here. Besides, I'd rather watch you. I'm fascinated."
"Oh are you? By what?"
"You're so domestic."
Why did I, in a split second after it came out of my mouth, get the feeling that I had said totally the wrong thing?
"I was single a long time."
Fuck that hurt to hear. I did manage, "I know." Then turned my eyes away from him. I didn't want to be reminded right now of our real places in life. Though that was always part of my thought processes I would force it to the recesses of my mind for as long as I could. When I was with him I tried to not remember where either of us really belonged. I was fairly certain he hadn't meant to sting me with it, but it had. There was no need to let on or cause any argument over it. Keeping composure, I ignored it as best I could and went on.
"So, what would you like me to do then? I mean other than.....what I'd rather be doing?"
"Hey, sorry."
"Hmm?"
"Sorry."
"About?"
"What I said."
"It's okay. It was honest. Come on, we can't stay out here forever."
"You're right."
I can tell you his statement still had me a bit down. Boundaries again. I'm sure he could see it bothered me. He kept looking at me. I suppose he was waiting for me to snap out of it, but before I could he walked over and stared me down with those eyes again.
"I know we haven't much time left. This is just temporary. We'll have a chance again before you go."
Though he was trying to reassure me, he also reminded me that this was a finite situation and we both knew it. As I tried to move away from his gaze he grabbed my arms and pinned me against the counter then moved his body into mine as closely as was possible without forcing me onto the counter. I could tell he wanted this as much as I did right now as he placed a, at first, gentle kiss on me that soon moved towards coitus pre-cursory intensity. Neither one of us seemed inclined to end it. Realizing full well where this could lead, I reluctantly placed my hands on his chest between us and gave him a slight push away from me. Simultaneously we released the ardent lip lock we'd been holding onto. I breathed out hard. He returned to the heightened eye contact we'd had a few moments ago.
"Diane, we will have our time. We will."
He said it almost as if he needed a reply from me. I bit my lower lip and nodded in agreement though I wasn't as secure with the fact as he intimated. Yet the way he stated it hadn't sounded so confident really and I wasn't so persuaded that I would have a chance to say goodbye the way I wanted.
"Yes. Well....we'll have to see."
He hadn't released the stare but it had changed. It was a soft almost challenging look that I saw now.
"Was there something else you want me to say Colin? I don't know what else to say. Neither of us knows what's going to happen in the next few days. The shooting schedule, my daughter being here. We may never....."
"Do you want this? That's all I want to know."
"Given any chance, yes. Why would you even need to ask that?"
"I......I just...."
"Just what? "
"Reassurance you had a desire to continue this.........."
I tried to analyze the way he was asking, but made no headway in figuring out why he was.
"I've no idea where your need for reassurance comes from as far as concerns me. I would have thought after all this time, that this was a non-issue. Especially since we....didn't we go through this same issue last night? I mean, you never had these concerns before and now that it's about to come to an end............ Well, never mind. Look......come on, we've go to get back out there. Just remember - if it helps you - I'm here because I want to be here."
I grabbed the smaller tray of drinks and turned towards the kitchen door.
"I'll take the drinks out, you carry the food tray. Say, how flushed is my face right now? Is it still noticeable?"
"Why? Are you embarrassed?
"By what happened just a bit ago? No. You should know that too. Would that we didn't have to stop. However, do recall who is here? You have other guests."
"Right.....you're right."
"Geez, anyway I don't feel flushed. A bit discomposed. So, how about you? Your ego deflated yet?"
"I'll manage."
"If you say so, but don't expect me to answer if someone asks what's cooking."
That got a smile on his face and mine as I walked carefully towards the door to go back to the living room. I pushed the door with my back to it and turned around to the other side where I was met immediately by Ken.
"Here, let me get that for you."
"Not necessary, I'm being careful."
"I insist."
"I'm really ok. If I try to hand it over I may drop something."
"I still insist."
"Fine, I won't argue with you more then."
He reached to take the tray, but put his hands on mine instead of taking the tray right away. He kept them there, ever so lightly. He didn't say anything, stared straight in my eyes with those bedroom blues of his like he had that time outside of the ICM building when he had planted that unexpected kiss on me. I had the feeling he wanted to say something, but he never did. And although it seemed to take a long time for him to let go of my hands and the tray to pass from me to him, it was only seconds. He carried the tray to the coffee table without really breaking stride. I was locked in place trying to figure out what had just happened when I noticed that Colin had come through the door behind me. I finally cleared my head of trying to analyze the small episode with Ken and went back to my seat this time between Adele and Eric. It wasn't quite the safe haven I had thought it would be. Colin set the food down then walked behind the couch and leaned down to whisper in my ear.
"What the hell was that?"
I couldn't answer him, could I? I couldn't even begin to acknowledge his unnecessary question. I did follow him with my eyes until he sat down and stared at me. I just looked at him to let him see I had no idea what he was asking about. His eyes darted from me to Ken and back. I had no time to figure out his intent. Then as if I didn't expect it, my daughter started in on me.
"Took you long enough."
"Not my fault. Blame the chef over there."
I pointed at Colin who took immediate feigned offense.
"What? What did I do?"
"Took too long."
"I did not."
"Sure you did. Adele says so. You kept me out there too long because you're slow."
I had the feeling that she was appalled that I would talk to him like that. I don't think she was sure whether I was being serious or not.
"Mom.....geez." She slapped my thigh. "I really didn't mean.........."
"Sure you did."
I turned to her, grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She realized that we were just messing around. I still couldn't read her reaction to the play on words we had exchanged. I gave up trying. I was sure if she was having a problem with our repartee she would let me know later. The somewhat discomfited exchange was soon broken as Tim began talking about the upcoming shoots.
"Diane, we need to tell you about the schedule changes."
"Sure. So, what's up?"
"Yes, well, we tried to call you yesterday."
"Oh? Sorry, I was a bit out of pocket after the meeting. I told you I had things to do. But anyway. Did you bring me new pages?"
"No, not exactly. It's very simple really. We decided to do the beach scene at night, so we'll do the riding in the morning and the beach tomorrow night."
I hadn't exactly told Adele what the flashback scenes were. In fact I had hardly explained them at all. Now she was starting to look at me hard and questioningly. I knew she wanted to know what was going on.
"Oh really? Hmm. Ok, that's not a problem with me as far as I know."
"That also means we will move the college scenes up to Tuesday afternoon."
Adele turned and looked at me more inquisitive in her visage than ever.
"College scenes. What the fu........ I mean, are you going to explain this all to me?"
I was trying to concentrate on the whys and wherefores Eric and Tim were going over. I didn't have the time to expound to my daughter the details of the scenes I was in as far as the movie was concerned. It would just have to wait.
"Tim, have you finally decided just where the beach scene is being shot? I have suggestions if you are still open to that."
"Thank you for the offer but we have. It's all set, but we'd be willing to hear you out."
"Ok, just wondered. If the scene hasn't changed from the original script you gave me, I just well.......my feeling or opinion is that the place you had in mind isn't really secluded enough for what the action entails. That Seawall is always very busy. I don't think it could happen at that location is all. Too many cars, too many people and no place to 'hide in plain sight' so to speak."
I thought, after I spoke that perhaps I shouldn't have said anything. After all, who was I trying to tell these guys their job. These were two guys responsible for movies like LA, BJD, TEOR amongst others. I was sure I had overstepped and now felt quite the fool. Fortunately they hadn't taken offense. Or if they had Eric soon put me at ease about it.
"So, what are these locations you would suggest as better? Can you show us?"
"Well, sure, with a map I could."
"Ah, I believe I have something in my papers somewhere. Let me check."

While he searched through his papers Adele tugged slightly on my arm and pulled me towards her. In a very low whisper.....
"What is going on? What about this supposed interview?"
I just shrugged my shoulders and turned my attentions back to Eric. He still hadn't found the map.
"Perhaps I don't have it here after all"
Adele persisted.
"Interview?"
I didn't answer her again, but gave her an annoyed look and turned my attention back to Eric again. He'd apparently found the map and proceeded to spread it on the coffee table. I leaned in so I could see it and found the places I'd referred to earlier.
"Up here, I know it looks north and south, but it's called East Beach. No sidewalks or seawall. But, before you get there the beach is open. It also has a lot of dunes. Then all the way down here, below the seawall. Again the beach gets open."
Eric and Tim had leaned in to see where I was pointing. Adele sat back. I knew she had more to say. Ken and Colin listened. Though, on quick observation Colin looked placated while Ken appeared indifferent to the whole thing. I looked back at my daughter. I tried to keep anything we said to each other as quiet as possible.
"What's wrong with you? I can tell you're whirling things around in your head."
"Fine. I don't think there's an interview at all"
She was really getting on my nerves and I could see she was seething and not saying what was really on her mind. I took her arm then turned back to the guys.
"Could you all excuse us a minute?"
I pulled her up off the sofa and led her out onto one of the patios.
"Ok, out with it. What do you really want to say here?"
"This is a cover up isn't it?"
"What?"
"Sure, take me for a fool. I saw you when we got off that elevator. You were surprised those people were all here"
"True."
"You're also not so overjoyed that I showed up today."
She had me on that one.
"Your brain has been, more than usual, somewhere else all day AND tonight. Then, you're supposed to be doing an interview with 'the Firther' in there and you don't even have a list of questions, let alone ask any. What the hell is going on? Did you expect to come here tonight......alone. Just you and him and all of us ruined that?"
I gave her an exasperated look. I was well prepared for her questions. I'd been thinking all day what I would say to her if she began questioning.

"Adele, give it a rest.  I didn't expect anything.  And you're right, I didn't expect the others to be here and I bet they didn't expect me either. I also don't have any questions prepared.  You know he just called and changed this today.  You were there. I told you it was supposed to be Wednesday.  I'm not exactly prepared.  Besides, I don't know what to ask him anyway."

"Cut the crap mom. Whether you knew about them or not he had to set this up so it would look kosher.  Probably because I was going to be here."

"Yes, I bet he did actually.  THEY were supposed to be here. I'M the one who was asked at the last minute.  And yes, I was surprised, not by Eric and Tim, but by Ken Branagh being here.  He only had a cameo.  I'd thought he'd have left by now.  Totally unexpected if you must know. And just maybe it was a nice gesture on his part to have both of us come over here, considering what has passed. As for the interview I'll have to put something together.  In any case, we can't stay out here arguing over every little thing that is going........"

Before I could finish my diatribe Ken walked over next to me.  He put his arm around me, resting his hand on my opposite bicep and giving me a squeeze.  Adele and I both were a bit surprised and looked at one another.  I was mildly displeased.

"Everything all right with you ladies?"

Adele shook her head without answering.  I looked past Ken to the other three still sitting in the living room.  Nothing verbal from Tim or Eric, though they, too, appeared to be focused on our conversation.  Colin was glaring at Ken and me, looking particularly incensed.  I was about to answer Ken's question when I saw Colin get up in a somewhat rankled mood.

"Excuse me everyone.  I'll be back in a minute."

He almost ran up the stairs, yet stopped for a second and glanced at me.  I knew he was singling me out as he cast those piercing eyes my way.  I was confused.  He didn't stop long, turned and continued up towards the master suite.  I returned my attentions to Ken.  What else was I going to do, run after him? I knew I couldn't.

"We're fine Ken.  Just needed a short chat."
I quickly, but politely moved away from the embrace he had on me.

"Adele, come on, it's getting late and I have to drive to Galveston later tonight."

I noticed she had also seen the little episode that had taken place as Colin ascended the stairway.  It had all been non-verbal, but I knew she picked up on it, or something. As for me, I had yet to figure what Colin's problem was.  Though I'd finally gotten the clue that it may have to do with Ken and it had begun last night during that short visit he'd made. We walked back and joined the others in the living room.  Eric and Tim announced their intentions of leaving also. Though none of us made motions of doing so without goodbyes and thanking our host.  He, by the way, was making no effort at re-appearing.  We waited.  The time afforded us to elaborate on my part in the project and how it came about. The scenes and where they fit in the film. I was grateful that Tim put everything to her easily, tactfully and concisely.  Hopefully, now having the whole picture would ease her inquisitiveness and she would back down some. Though I was sure she still had a few things in mind to probe.

Almost half an hour had passed without us seeing Colin.  I was getting frustrated.  I had to leave.  I had packing to do.  I needed to see my daughter off and I had a two and a half hour drive to the coast.  That didn't include checking into my hotel room and getting a minimal amount of sleep if I was to be on set at five.  It was already eight-thirty. I glimpsed around the room.

"Is somebody going to see what's going on with him?"

Ken shrugged and turned away.

"I don't believe he would want my interference.  Why don't you go and see what's keeping him?"

"Me? Are you kidding? Go up there?"

I glanced over at Adele.  She shook her head as if signaling it was okay with her.  Or perhaps it was a concession to the reality of our relationship.

"Okay.  Fine!  Whatever.  You bunch of chickens."

I took a breath and walked half way up the stairs.

"Colin?  What the hell is going on? I've...we've all got to get going.  I have to drive to Galveston tonight."

I waited for some sort of reply, but got none.

"Suit yourself.  I'm going.  I.....none of us has time for games."

The bedroom door finally opened.  He had his cell phone in one hand.  I glanced from him to the crowd downstairs and back, then moved a few more steps closer to him.

"Could you please explain yourself?  You just up and left all of your guests.  In a huff I might add.  What the hell was that and........."

He grabbed my arm and almost pulled me up the last few steps, then down the hallway beyond earshot and out of the others' view. The cell phone was plainly forgotten. His hold on me was tight but it didn't hurt.  He turned towards me and maneuvered me backwards into the guest room.  I kept walking backwards.  My legs hit the bed, I fell onto it with him on top of me. He placed one hand on my breast as the other pulled my head to his with a hand full of hair. Immediately he thrust his tongue down my throat.  I could feel his heart racing, his breath was slightly labored and I knew I had his full attention.  It wasn't the time or place for any of this to be occurring. I broke the kiss off as soon as possible.

"Colin, please stop!"

I tried to sit up but he had me pinned down. I conceded I couldn't get away, he had too much weight on me. I put my hand on his cheek and ran it down the side of his face.

"What's wrong?  Why are you doing this....chancing this with everyone down there?"

He rolled off of me and lay on his back next to me, exhaling hard.

"You don't know?"

"No, not really."

"Not a clue?"

"As regards what?"

He got up on one elbow and appeared to examine my face for something. Though I was sure I didn't know what. I sat up.  I wanted to know precisely what he was leading too.

"What Colin? Are you leaving earlier than you expected?"

"No, no...I'm here until the sixteenth, you know that."

It hit me that the others would now be wondering what we both were doing.  I knew Adele would.

"Maybe you can call me later and we can talk?  You have me totally perplexed.  I'm at a loss, but I have to get back down there.  I can't risk being up here longer than I already have."

"You're right.  It...well, perhaps it's not as big an issue as I've made it seem."

I stared at him, totally puzzled now.  I think he knew it.

"Come on, we better go back down."

As we headed back towards the stairway I turned round to him and blurted out

"Does this have something to do with Ken?"

He didn't stop. He didn't look at me.  He just kept walking, back down the stairs to the others and left me standing there.