13 July

"Damn alarm clock."  I always set it on snooze, and it keeps going until I finally get up and shut it off. 

"Ugh, 3:30 in the morning, what the ..."  Oh, right, I have to be at the airport at five, London calling and I have to get moving.  Oh, I should have gone to bed earlier.  Maybe the shower will help wake me up.  I need to get a move on.  I can't miss this. I have waited so long for this trip. I believe I have been packed for two weeks now.  That was hard as it made me short on some things, but, I managed. Of course, a lot of the items are new, so that helped.  Hubby is up and going, that's good, he's driving me to the airport. It will be strange going two weeks without him, but, he assured me he is happy to have made this longtime dream of mine come true.

All I have to take is two suitcases, a carry on and a new laptop.  I am so glad I finally got one.  It saved me from bringing too much stuff.   And I can keep a record or journal of my exploits. 

Dressed, ready to go I head out to the car and we are off.  No traffic this early so the ride will take no time.  Airport arrival promptly at five and I head to the check-in. This is so exciting for me, but, I am still quite apprehensive.  I don't like to fly very much anyway and here I am going to be in the air for about twelve hours.  That's not including the two stopovers I have to endure.  Nobody to talk to or anything.  Glad I brought my CDs and book to read.  Yes, another Pride And Prejudice sequel.  There are just so many.  Have to occupy that time somehow.

Five-thirty A.M. and I have to board.  No, why am I doing this?  I can't go all these places all alone.  Why couldn't we afford for Thom to go too?  Would he have?  He has always wanted to go see his uncles grave at Normandy.  He has kept reassuring me that he knows my genealogy has been most important. That I have wanted this for a long time. That this is my legacy to our children. If I can find the proof and other generations I have been seeking for so long, it will have been worth all of the money.  Still I am already crying and don't want to leave his hug. As outgoing as I appear to be most times, I have always preferred not to travel alone.  I wish Adele had been able to go with me, but with her job and the college work it was an impossibility. I think the last time I traveled alone was when I went home for grand-moms funeral service. Thom implores me to go.  His eyes look as sad as I feel.

"Remember, we have the cell phones.  Call me whenever you want.  I will keep mine with me at work.  And don't forget the timetables we set up to chat online.  I will be watching the clock.  Diane, enjoy yourself.  You have waited more than a lifetime for this.  I hope you find all the information and records you have prepared for. And I want you to take some time to look around.  Don't spend every waking moment at those archives and record offices."  He turned me towards the security checkpoint and I slowly walked away, but turned around, "I love you Thom, always remember that." It was all I could say.  I didn't want to forget to tell him, in case something happened, one never knows about planes. I got to my seat and sat down and cried. I didn't care if anyone saw or heard me.  I was already lonely and I really hated flying. I guess this was all a bit ridiculous but, I couldn't help it. Here I am, about to go on the adventure of my life.  Cardiff, Aberdare, London, Stüttgart and all they had to hold.  Places I had researched for years.  Pictures I had seen, ties to who I am, and I was sad.  Hadn't we planned almost from when we married to one day do this together?  Yet circumstances had forced our hand and I was taking my trip alone.  Well maybe I will sleep a bit and I can always play my CDs to help.

The trip from Austin to Dallas was short, as always, and thankfully the stopover was short with no plane change.  Almost to New York now and I open my laptop on a whim.  What a lifesaver this is.  All my family files and information I am seeking without having to bring all those vital records, ring binders and notebooks. "What's this?"  I look down and see an email from Thom...my eyes begin to tear again.

"My esposita,

 I will miss you more than you can ever fathom, I do already.  I have always loved you.  You know that I promised all those years ago to take care of you, provide for you and your needs.  It took me many years to convince your parents that I had done so. 

I only wish that your journey to your homelands had been possible while your grand mother was with us so that you could share what you find with her.  I am so sorry I could not make that so.

I hope that you find and satisfy all that you seek on your journey through the ancient homesteads of your fore bearers.  You know that I would have given anything to be with you at this time.  I will be, just remember we are always together. I will be with you as you walk the streets, cities and country sides that they walked.  I will be in the clouds above your head and the path beneath your feet. 

Enjoy your journey and I await your return.

je t'adore tousjours,

Thom"

I just fell apart reading that and now I have to get off the plane to switch for the long haul.  I must look a mess.  I have to buckle under and think about what lies ahead.  This should be so special.  Not that it isn't.  It just, well, doesn't seem right somehow.

Ugh, finally heading out over the ocean.  Have survived the trip so far.  Six more hours and I land at Heathrow.   I guess I should write a bit to start that journal but don't really feel like it.  It's what, already two in the afternoon?  I've been up ten hours, six more in flight, then I have to get to the hotel.  I may be up close to twenty-four hours before I can crash. I'm already tired, perhaps a nap now would be a good idea.  Let's see, what CD to pop in the player?  I sit back and relax listening to Yannis "Love Songs."  It has our favorites on it.  "Secret Vows,"  "First Touch,"  a few others.  I start thinking about people I would like to be here with me.  It hit me, I'm going to fucking London.  I recall how Livi and I have talked about getting that flat in Islington and I just laugh to myself.  I wish she was here with me. Or Adele or Thom, anyone I guess.  I wonder, though it's not in my itinerary, if I could get over that way and take a few pictures of the general area.  I could add them to the fan site we run. I had once entertained the notion of writing our Colin Firth contact and asking if there was a possibility to finally meet him.  I thought better of it. It wasn't the purpose of the trip.  And besides, I couldn't do that without Livi. It wouldn't be right after all we have done together. Sure, we had joked about it over the net and on the phone but, I had assured her that if we were ever going to meet THE MAN it would be together. For now we would have to settle for the personal video he had sent to us both.

I guess the early day had left me more tired than I thought.  Before I knew I was apparently roused by a stewardess telling me to fasten my seatbelt. "Already?" I inquired.  "Yes ma'me, we will be landing in about twenty minutes."

"At Heathrow?  Already?  Are you sure?  We just left New York."

"Ma'me, we've been in flight for more than six hours, I believe you dozed off for quite some time.  In any case, we will be landing fairly soon now and you may want to get your things together."