Black, Blue, Tan or White?

18 February

So far the meeting and greeting of everyone had gone like aces. That is, after Diane's initial bout with the giggles over my brother's name and that of Jess's young lady friend. She had to explain herself to me. Rather, she took time, subsequent to Colin having calmed her, to return and pull me aside, in private, to recount her laughter. I had to admit, after I heard her reasons for the fit, to more than understanding her having lost all composure. It all really was a bit odd, wasn't it? How did one come to explain all the coincidences? Although there were only two. That Jess's lady was named Ginny was on a slightly different level than the other two. Her true given name was Virginia. The other just a nickname. That over, we all had to get back on track as to why all of them were here in the first place. Today I had the men while Carly took the women. They were going to a dressmakers. I had the luxury of a tailor agreeing to meet us here at Riverside House. It was not an easy task as there were still other seasonal visitors about and closing off the library, where recent movies were available for viewing, for more than an hour or so was a slight inconvenience to some of those guests. The desire was to set this for after the morning meal and be accomplished before dinner, or the noon meal as some call it.

"So Graham, you're boss get over the giggles?"

"Morning, Giles."

"She appears to be quite a fun person to be around."

"I've not seen it if she is."

"Never? Come on man, you had to have. Yesterday couldn't have been a one-off, I wouldn't think."

"I've seen her angry, though for the most part quite competent and composed."

"You won't find me believing she's a stuffed shirt anytime soon."

"I didn't say that, exactly."

"I see."

"I don't believe you do."

"Never mind, so, what about the three gents we're about to scare to death? This actor fellow? I'm going to wager he will be less than thrilled after today. Think he'll back off?"

"It's a possibility they all will excuse themselves from the event."

"You think? I had the impression they were mates."

"Not at all. Mr. Firth, um, Colin is my employer. Jack is the husband of our corporate lawyer and Jess is a colleague; though we rarely work together."

"Oh. What then?"

"Elope, I suppose. Would you still go and stand?"

"I could arrange it. Though from being around that firecracker fiancée of yours I get the impression it wouldn't do her at all."

"She's not like your Mary, I'll give you that."

"Mary's Mary. She loves being the homemaker and a mum. What can I say? I love the woman so I suppose I'm stuck, eh?"

"She will be here for..."

"Why wouldn't she be? The tykes too."

"They're not precisely toddlers, Giles."

The morning jog I'd taken with Jack hadn't helped clear my head the way I had imagined it might. There was a hope, after that failure, that I'd have the luxury of having a talk with Jo, but that was right out when I returned to the suite and she had already left with the other women for their day out. The problem I was having difficulty sorting was this wedding. For all I was worth I still could not quantify why I'd agreed in the first place. I barely knew this man. It would have been easy to say no and I am convinced he'd have understood. So why, then, had I agreed? What was the justification other than a chance to be with Jo for a few days that we shouldn't have? Something, somewhere deep inside had made me not hesitate a second before I'd blurted out the positive response that seemed to set Graham on his back foot. That, more than anything, told me he had asked with no expectations I'd acquiesce. It was all so simple really. So why then was I having the conflict now?

After a shower, that I stayed in much too long, I dressed in what Jo had laid out for me: jeans, an old dress shirt and my new trainers; of which she approved. It wasn't this, was it? It wasn't I'd have to dress more than I cared for, was it? A tuxedo or a high end suit? No, that wasn't it. I had to put things aside as I made my way over to the hotel proper and met back with Jack before going into the lounge.

"Colin, Dude, what's with you? You have the strangest look on your face!"

"I'm off somewhere else, I'm afraid. This is not my idea of a good thing."
"I hear ya. Believe me I am not relishing having to spend any time dressed in a tux. But what can we do? You know how women are about weddings. Everyone dressed to the nines"
"Yes, I know. I suppose."
"Is there something else? I mean you're being way too introspective, even for you, Dude."
"No, let's do this, shall we? After you."

There was something, even though he denied it. Maybe he and Diane had words or maybe he, as myself, was just not enamored with the idea of dressing like a Maitre D'. Honestly, in the reality of the situation it didn't matter. We had all agreed to stand up for Graham and it would be really low of us to back out now. It's not like the guy had thousands of friends to chose from. Had he had that option I doubt that Colin and I would have been asked in the first place. Even if Carlene had wanted Diane and Hilly it would not be unusual to have other groomsmen escort them. It happened all the time. You didn't necessary escort your significant other. But we had been asked and we had agreed. It was done and we needed to be good sports about it.

"Ah, the prodigal groomsmen have arrived. Morning boys."

"Giles, please."

"What? Did I say something off color or out of line?"

I have to admit I liked Giles. He had wit and, as it turned out, was a lot less stiff than Graham. Maybe after all this nonsense was over we guys could slip over to the local, as Colin called it, and have a few pints together.

I found a chair off to the side. I truly didn't want to be a wanker, but I was still having a time. The only prospect I could conjure to clear this up was not a pleasant one. Yet, I felt I had to set it straight. How long I'd let this go remained to be seen.
"So Graham, Dude, when's this show getting on the road?"
Before the question could be answered the door to the lounge flung back against itself and in walked Jess with a short, cranky looking bloke with a tape measure over his shoulders.
"Colin, Jack, Giles, this is Alberto. He's our tailor for the wedding outfits."
That was an odd way of putting it and I had to know.
"Outfits? As in tuxedoes, correct?"
I was getting a bad feeling about this. I looked over at Colin, whose face mirrored my inner concern.

"Or suits! I mean they could be tailored suits, right Graham?"
Alberto, for lack of knowledge of the situation, immediately started lying his tools of trade on a table and I would use the word flutter even if I normally would never say it but, here, it was appropriate. He flitted about setting scissors here, threads there, swatches and a book elsewhere. Then he turned round and I was ready to find a secret passage to leave.
"What color have we decided gentlemen? And have we decided the style of the waist coat and cutaway?"
Colin practically flew out of his seat.
"Cutaway? What the hell do we need a cutaway for or do you mean a tails?"
"And undergarments or no gentlemen? Your decision. I can do either."
I thought Colin was going to leave. Instead he walked slowly towards me.
"Graham, why did you, in fact, want me in this?"
I couldn't believe this was the question that came out of my mouth. I had a myriad of other things I should be inquiring about; such as, are you out of your fucking mind and did you really think I would go for this... this, oh Christ, it couldn't be, could it? I wanted to grab him and tell him that he needed to have Carlene get a grip about Regency and how could he have even agreed to it? Instead, I'd come up with that?
"Is it black then with white and did we want the ruffles tall or short?"

The light was slowly beginning to dawn. Colin's reaction made it all too clear. Frankly, looking back now, I should have seen this coming. Carlene's favorite game, the Jane Austen-like memorabilia we unpacked: it all added up. But in fairness, I really don't think we could have seen it coming. I could only hope that Hilly had not kept this aspect from me cause, if she already knew we were going to have a serious discussion regarding full disclosure. But right now it was Colin that concerned me. I would deal, but him? He's been running from Darcy for a lot of years and now he was facing that demon head on.
"Ah Graham... you want to let us in on the joke? It's a joke, right? You're just messing with ole Colin here, right!"
"Personally I feel the dark blue with white breeches is an absolutely dashing look."
I looked over at Alberto then back at Graham. Alberto looked befuddled, Graham looked like he was facing the executioner and he was me.
"Gentlemen, please. I have to know. I have limited supplies on more than one of my fabrics and colors."
That was it.. I really felt I was going to lose it as I could feel the color of my face changing rapidly. I turned to Jack, whom I knew immediately recognized my state.
"I can't do this."
Graham looked aghast, Alberto confused and Giles amused. I also knew that Graham was thinking what in hell was he going to do now. Look, all us guys know that women have planned their weddings since they were six years old, the last accessory is the groom. This was Carlene's dream and since he loved her he wanted to make it happen, even if he was not keen on the idea.
I couldn't declare what I was feeling. I had to have a think. All I could do to contain my rage was walk over to the window and have a hope to see Diane returning from their shopping. I needed to talk with her. Perhaps she could sort me out. I looked out, without the result I so needed.

"Dude, ah, you're doing Darcy."

I can't say I appreciated Jack's reference. I was even more perturbed now as I walked away from the window and tried to stay calm; as hard as it was becoming.

"Let me talk to my friend here, gents. Colin walk this way."
I did understand Colin's meltdown. I really did. I certainly was not expecting to be decked out ala 18th century either and now a tux was looking really fine. Maybe I could defuse the situation and help Colin to see the bigger picture. What I was going to say still eluded me but, I knew the liquor cabinet was in this library and the Milner's, bless them, had given me the combination when I'd stayed here. Hell, it had to be five o'clock somewhere... maybe a whiskey would help us both out.
"Colin, come with me."
We walked over to the cabinet. I got two glasses and poured us both a healthy shot of Milton's finest Irish whiskey.
I watched, at a loss as to what to do or say, while Jack served up Colin and Giles just sat there with a huge grin on his face; not saying a word nor stepping in to assist me. Colin was, in a word, livid. I was positive I was about to lose two of my party, until he turned round.
I joined Jack at the small wet bar, greedily took the glass and threw it back, taking a long hard swallow. As it went smoothly down my throat I felt a twinge of shame and then reason hit. I turned, swirling the bronze liquid, allowing the ice to clink together as it moved about.
"Graham, pardon my ignorant reaction. Let's get this going. I'd be more than happy to stand up, no matter the attire. There was a wedding once that should not have taken place and one that should have, that didn't. I won't be a party to spoiling what two young people in love have decided to do to make their day right for them. So, let's get this done, shall we?"
"Gentlemen, gentlemen. Black, blue, tan or white?"
"Black on black, sir. Black on black."