By her tone, I could tell that she didn't "see", Di was misunderstanding Colin's reason for wanting to be alone. But before I could explain, Jack took matters into his own hands, in typical Jack fashion.

"Uh, Di, Colin's feeling a bit "exposed" this morning."
"I'm sure."
"He won't come out Di, I tried everything. Apology, joking, cajoling, nada. He won't even meet my eye, no less come out of there."
"Look, I...umm...I'm going to go hang my crap up to dry and change into something else. Be back in a bit...okay? Maybe he'll be finished whatever...well. Be right back."
I caught Hilly's last comment just as I was turning and stopped in my tracks.
"What?"

Jack again decided that there was just too much good ammunition to let go. He cleared his throat and was not even trying to stifle a smirk.
"Colin's hiding in the den, cause Hilly saw his butt."
"Jack, stop acting twelve. Di, I think he's embarrassed."
"You're kidding, right?"

My mouth had dropped open and I could barely get the question out, but the cheeky smirk and the play in Jack's eyes told me this wasn't subterfuge.
"To quote a movie...this is ridiculous."
I saw Jack perk up and he raised his hand with one finger out as his mouth opened. I was convinced he was going to take on the answer to the unintentional movie reference, but Hilly grabbed his hand.
"Not now Jack, I need more information."

"Basically he came into the kitchen, got coffee and fled to the den. He won't speak to me Di, nor will he come out of there."
"Oh bloody hell. What's the difference? Think Playmaker, Hour of the Pig, to name two."

"And Death Date, don't forget that one."
Okay, Jack was having way too much fun at Colin's expense. I mean sure, he was being rather foolish, but still, enough was enough.
"Jack go and find something to do. Let Di and I handle this. You are not helping."
Jack sulked off in the direction of our bedroom and I turned to Di, who now was having trouble hiding a smirk.
I turned away from Hilly as Jack left us to devise some way to get Colin out of his temporary exile. It hit me all at once and I couldn't help letting out a huge laugh as I doubled over and grabbed my abdomen.
"Oh, this is so...I can't even find a set of words to ...well, you know."
My semblance of composure cracked. I joined in and Di and I ended up falling into the couch in a laughing fit. Tears rolled down our cheeks and we were having trouble breathing. Finally I got hold of myself first. I took a deep breath and exhaled.
"It's not like I haven't seen an ass before, including his. Jeez, I mean really."
I fell back against the arm of the sofa and tried some form of composure. It wasn't happening. All I could do was wipe tears off my face. I looked at Hilly and we cracked up again.
"Though, admit it, it's a really good, tight ass...no?"
"Don't tell Jack." I leaned in close so only she would hear, just in case that Jack was lurking about. "It's gorgeous."
"So, is it getting hotter in here or is it me? Maybe I need to go un-layer before I make the rescue attempt?"
"Good idea. I'm off to put on another pot of coffee and find Jack. Good luck."
I attempted, but failed miserably, at a serious face.
"Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, what an ass, doesn't it?"
I couldn't even answer her. That sent me into another fit of laughter as I headed to the kitchen to fix that coffee and corral Jack.
I headed for our bedroom as Hilly withdrew to ward off Jack and feed the caffeine demons. When I was ready to confront Colin's latest crisis, or whatever the hell his problem was, I couldn't help but pass back by the living room where Jack had resettled himself. I supposed he was reading, but he certainly seemed to be more focused on waiting to see what would happen next. Otherwise, I doubted he would have heard my bare feet going past the doorway.
"You're wearing shorts?"
I looked down at myself, crinkled my face because it was more than obvious what I had on, then shirked my shoulders at Jack.
"Seems so. Problem?"
"It's fucking freezing outside."
My face lit up as I winked at him and moved past the door, but stopped, grabbed the jam and leaned in to answer him.
"Maybe, but it's getting hot in here and I imagine it just may get hotter."
I assume it wasn't something Jack wanted to know as he shoved his face back into the morning paper.

I returned to the living room, coffees in hand and settled myself next to Jack on the couch. I set his on the table in front of us and was watching him. While he appeared to be absorbed in the current events of the day, I knew better. I could almost hear the wheels turning in his head and knew he was plotting more misery for Colin.

"Jack, you need to let it go. Let it drop."

"Hmmm... what Hilly?"

He put down the paper and reached for his coffee. His face was neutral and to the casual observer Jack would have appeared totally clueless as to what I was referring. I wasn't buying it for a minute.

"You know what. Just leave it alone. Leave Colin alone. No jokes, comments or innuendos."

"Okay, okay, babe. I promise."

"You better behave. I'm serious Jack."

"Scout's honor, babe. I promise not to say another word about it."

Jack returned to his paper as I breathed a sigh of relief. I was more than happy to put the whole matter to rest.

There were only about ten steps between the door I'd just left and the one I now stood on the wrong side of. I hadn't been able to formulate any plans of what to say or do or how to act or react to Colin's apparent embarrassment. At least that's what I supposed it was. Given his sense of humor and ability to dole out and have the piss taken out of him made this all the more perplexing. I leaned in and set my ear on the door. I suppose I thought I would hear something, some movement or mutterings of self chastisement or a form of talking to himself. Anything that might clue me to the mood he was in and what I'd be facing when I opened said den door. Nothing. No sounds except low bass from some song playing on a radio on the inside. What had I really expected to hear or deduce through a solid pine door? I drew in a deep breath and reached for the door knob. It didn't move. He'd locked the damn thing. Good grief. I'd no choices left now. I had to knock.

"I'm fine. I'd rather not join the circus."

"Colin?"

"Diane? You're back?"

"Have been. So, can I come in or not?"

He opened the door but quickly stepped away and set himself in a chair, leaned back with his feet on the coffee table and cradled a mug of, I presumed, coffee. He looked like he could use about four or five more mugs full to get to some semblence of the persona I was used to seeing; even in the mornings after a night of debauchery or heavy drinking.

I knew I could only play this one way. I had to feign nescience of the situation, or most of it. There was just no way to ignore his appearance. It wasn't the first time I'd ever seen him with his hair in all directions and if he'd shaved or not was moot. He had a full beard. Who could tell? I expected he'd showered as I could at least smell the Homme on him. He wasn't one to not clean up when there was nothing else to do but pass the time. But he sure as hell came across that way. Here I was in shorts and a tank top and he was stretched out in an over-used tee shirt with a sweat jacket on and 'too large' sweat pants that had seen better days, like back in World War II. The hair, though obviously washed, had gone haywire. Usually, on a casual day, he let's it go, but at least runs a comb through it. He hadn't today - so far. Had it been his usual 'star mode' hair cut it might not have come across as so untamed, but he'd taken to letting it grow out the past year or so and right now it was more tangled weeds than any other description I could conjure at the moment. He was Paul Ashworth on valium. Any of the embers that had started to rekindle, not five minutes ago, from this mornings promise or hint of entanglement were now heading to stone cold and I started to feel the actual wintriness of the house and this room. There was a fire going in the living room. I assumed that had helped to instigate some of the heat I had felt welling up inside me, but it wasn't the singular causation. One had not been set in here and I was, for lack of better terms, getting a very cold shoulder from the previously lone inhabitant of said room.

"I can leave if you'd rather."

"Hadn't said either way."

"More precisely, you haven't said anything."

He put his feet on the floor, set his mug on the table, leaned forward with his hands clasped in front of him and turned to look at me. There was the possibility he was checking for signs of mirth on my face. I assure you there was none. I knew better and had cleared any indications I had taken part in joviality at his expense from my demeanor. Acting. He had taught me well.

"So...hmmm. I ..I was more than anxiously anticipating you to be in that bed awaiting my return. Warm more than my frostbit toes."

"Needed a cup of..."

He reached for and took a larger than normal gulp of the java and stared ahead.

"And then?"

"Then nothing, particularly."

"So why are you holed up in here instead of waving the flag in...?"

"Not holed up."

"Colin, you had the damn door locked."

He slumped back into the chair. It was a huge soft chair that almost swallowed him up out of my eyesight, so I took a few steps closer. Closer than he wanted, I think. I moved right in front of him, slid the mug aside, sat down on the coffee table and looked him square in the eyes.

"What's the deal?"

"No deal. Nothing much else to do. Came in here to listen to some music. Couldn't very well do that in the same room as......improper."

"What the hell does that mean? Improper. What was improper?"

We were getting nowhere fast. It was starting to grate my nerves. I wasn't about to let this go on and ruin the weekend that had barely begun.

"Untenable Colin."

"I don't see it as such."

"No? You don't want to be with Hilly and Jack and me, in the world of the living, mingling, because you think your music is going to offend them? Good lord."

He started to squirm some in the chair as I continued to peer right into his eyes. I was trying, without letting on, to get him to blurt it out.

"For Christ sake Diane, she saw..."

"Sorry?"

"Hilary. This morning."

"I've lost the plot."

"You know damned well what I mean."

"Not exactly. Could you enlighten me?"

He looked exasperated, almost lost as to how to apprise me. I could almost hear the stuttering he used so well in films wanting to come to his aid.

"Hilary. This morning, in the...before you you left. When she came in the room and saw...."

He took a deep breath and leaned towards me.

"She saw us....me."

I stood up feigning disbelief and shock.

"Oh for Christ sake....is that all?"

"All? It was an indignity."

"Why? It's not like she hasn't seen your ass before Colin. Laid bare, as it were."

"Not that I can recall."

"No? Shall I go pull up your film credits and go down the list?"

"I wouldn't put it in the same category."

"Ok, so she saw you full screen instead of widescreen and in living color. And?"

"I walked in the kitchen and she said, and I quote 'nice ass, Colin.' "

"True."

"Not in the least humorous."

"Did I say it was? Oh give over Colin, it is."

"Jack will never let this go. I don't know if I can endure it."

I stood up and stared down at him.

"Oh you can so. Why not just turn the tables?"

"What?'

"Come on, you are so wickedly droll. If he mentions it, just offer up. You've got to get over this and see the other side of the coin."

"Which would be?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? If or when he makes one of his comments, offer to give him a look for himself."

"As in ask if he's interested in finding out for himself?"

"See? Go with it."

He reached up and pulled me down on his lap. It was the first smile that cracked the dour disposition since I'd come in here.
"Are you back? If not I'll have to think of something else to get you out of this funk. Can't be wasting all this time being glum."

"And what else might you have in mind?"

I smiled then winked, got up out of his lap, walked to the door and turned back.

"A little fire, a little wine and you out of those hobo clothes."

I left him there and ran down the hall towards our bedroom. He was right behind me.