Setting Things To Right

9 July

"You hate driving here! Said it always makes you nervous."

"You driving would make me even more so."

"Hilly, I'm fine! Really, I'm fine."

Hilly was staring out the window of our room, leaning sideways against it, with her arms crossed. I could see enough of her face to read her expression and knew she was nervous at my proposal that we take a drive around the countryside. Her feelings were valid. There was no doubt that I had given her quite a scare yesterday but, I had to get away from Riverside House and all our well-meaning friends. Colin had already been around... twice, followed by Diane, the Milners and Carlene. I know they were only concerned over the state of my health but it was, well..., embarrassing. I already felt the prize fool that it happened in the first place and the steady stream of visitors only made me feel worse. I also thought the trip would help me sort out exactly what did happen to me. While Hilly remained unconvinced, I was sure my spell was just a combination of the heat and stuffing myself.  But what took place when I was unconscious, that I was still trying to work through. I had three possible theories:  one... it was just a crazy dream fueled by our location; two... a subconscious desire to share Hilly's previous experience; and three... the most chilling of all and the one I was most afraid of, I had also remembered a past life encounter. Hilly had no idea I was in the throes of this inner conflict. I planned on telling her but I was still too shaky about it to know how to begin. And I wanted to do it at the right moment, in the right setting, and that was not possible here.

"Please, Babe. I really need to get out of here."

"Okay, Jack, but on one condition."

"Name it."

"Promise me that if you start feeling weird or dizzy you'll tell me, and then you'll let me drive you to the hospital."

"That's two conditions."

"Jack! Promise me or we're staying put."

I went over to her, hugged her close and kissed her softly.

"Scout's honor."

Maybe exploring the countryside was a good idea after all. Jack's color was back and he seemed in good spirits. We found a station on the radio with songs we remembered and sang along to a few of them. While he may have assumed the guise of enjoying a carefree day, he wasn't fooling me. After thirty years with this man I knew when he was troubled. When we returned to Austin I had every intention of scheduling a thorough physical for him; no matter how much he protested.

"So, honey, do you have a destination in mind?"

"How about we check out Rosewood?"

"You're kidding!"

"Nope!"

"Oh Jack! That would be..."

I trailed off and shook my head. Jack never ceased to surprise me, that was a given. Often times they fell short... way short of being pleasing. But this was just too sweet for words. While still keeping his eyes ahead, he reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. 

We had been driving in circles for over an hour and my patience was wearing thin. I thought Jack had written down the directions but he thought he'd remember the instructions Diane had given him. He said it was only a three mile trip. How hard could it be?

"Jack admit it! We're lost."

"Impossible!"

"We've been down this road three times now."

"No, we haven't."

"This does not look at all like the route Diane and I took."

"The turn is just around the bend. You'll see."

The turn was not in fact around the bend, nor the next one, or the one after that. By this time we were completely turned around and had absolutely no clue as to where we were. Jack finally admitted defeat and promised to stop at the very first opportunity and ask someone to point us in the right direction. As we neared the next intersection a vague familiarity nudged at me and I told Jack to take a left.

"Does something look familiar, Babe? Think this is the way to Rosewood?"

"No, not Rosewood, Jack. Someplace... someplace more important."

Hilly was freaking me out. Well actually, the whole experience was freaking me out. At times, even before she told me, I seemed to know which way to go. It was yet another creepy episode to add to the escalating list. When we reached our destination I stopped the car and placed it in neutral. I turned to Hilly and saw that she was looking at me. I didn't have to articulate the question, she nodded confidently. I took a depth breath, put the car into gear and entered the main gates of... Roebling Manor.

As is more and more the case these days, the grand homes and country estates are no longer owned by family members. Diane's luck regarding Riverside House was the exception, not the rule. It's completely understandable. The upkeep may be prohibitive for the family now. They were sold to individuals interested in turning them into exclusive hotels to cater to the tourist trade. Others have been left to local Historical Societies, when no living relatives could be found or, if they had been, not interested in assuming the responsibility. This was the apparent fate of Roebling Manor. It was now a museum as the signs at the front entrance indicated. The cheerful Greeter in the lobby told us that the renovations were still in progress but, most of the house was open to visitors, as was the grounds. We were told that another guided tour would commence in fifteen minutes time but we were welcome to explore the gardens on our own. Jack and I looked at each other. We just knew the reason we were drawn here was not contained in the house and begged off. We made our way around the back of the house, to the gardens. As I walked among the precisely manicured flower beds I was becoming increasingly frustrated. I was close... so close. I knew I was, I could feel it, but what was it? When I went over to Jack a question popped out of my mouth before my brain could even register the thought.

"Where is he, Jack?"

Hilly looked like she was about to cry, her voice full of distress and anguish. I pulled her into me and held her close. The question she posed alarmed me and not, at the same time. I, too, had felt the urgent need to find something we had lost. As I tried to calm her my eyes drifted past the end of the gardens, to an open field with a large tree at the far end. It was then that I took her by the hand and led her into the field. At first I thought she would protest, because clearly this area was not open to visitors, but she only gripped my hand tighter. We were almost running when we reached the tree and...

"James! Oh my sweet baby."

Hilly dropped to the ground and began to brush the dried leaves and twigs that concealed his marker. Only remnants of the small headstone remained and the engraving was indecipherable but, we both knew, without question, this was where our son... our son from that other time, had been laid to rest. I joined her on the ground and just held her while she grieved anew for our lost child. After Hilly regained her composure I found the words to relate to her what happened yesterday. She listened without interruption and when I was through, assured me that she believed it was a recovered memory. While we hated to, it was time for us to leave. We had escaped discovery and I wanted to keep it that way. When we got back to Austin I would add James's name to the family tree on my white board. While there were still open questions surrounding him, those could be left for another day. We had found him and for now, that's all that mattered.