Bolt From The Blue

12 May

"Colin, what are you doing in there?"

Diane was coming home today and Jack was going back to London. She had emphatically sent all of us home last night with strict instructions not to return until it was time to pick her up. Diane insisted she would be fine on her own for one night and told us we all needed a decent night's sleep in a horizontal position. In her typical no-nonsense manner of putting things she'd told us we looked as if we should get hospital beds ourselves. The remark, you all look like death warmed over was made; I was so very happy to have her back. Jack had gotten up before me and made the coffee. He brought me a cup before he left to say goodbye to Diane and then head to the airport. No sooner had he left, and I snuggled into the bed to enjoy my coffee, the racket started coming from Diane's bedroom. It was the unmistakable sounds of dresser drawers being opened, then slammed shut; the same with her closet. As I stood by her door I could hear Colin pacing around. Right before I could knock again Colin answered my query.

"Nothing."

Fuck! He used the same tone of voice my children used when they were young and up to no good. It never ended well.

"I'm coming in Colin, get your boxers on."

And neither did this. Diane's room looked like it had exploded. It seemed like every bit of clothing she had taken to Austria was strewn about the place. Smack dab in the middle was Colin, with more of her clothes piled into his arms.

"What happened in here?"

"I'm trying to get a kit together for Diane."

"Colin! For Christ's sake, it's not tea with the Queen. She just needs something besides a hospital gown to wear home!"

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. I felt like an brute. Colin looked as if I'd slapped him across the face. He set the clothes down on the bed, sat down on it and looked at me, he looked at me so very hurt. I leaned against the edge of her dresser and was rubbing my forehead with the heel of the hand.

"Oh Colin, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to bite your head off."

Colin motioned for me to sit next to him. 

"Apology accepted. But you have been a bit... um... short, lately. I mean that business with Ken the other day. Not like you."

"I know."

"Care to tell me why you wanted to throttle him?"

I got up from the bed and started gathering up an outfit for Diane. Before Jack left he had made me promise him that I would tell Colin about Ken, the very first chance I got. It seemed that chance had arrived. I folded everything in a neat pile and handed it to Colin.

"Here. These will work just fine."

"Hilary?"

"There's coffee already made or would you rather tea?"

"Coffee will do."

"Meet me on the patio and we'll talk."

The words I wanted to use were rolling around my brain as I collected my cigarettes, the coffee and necessary accompaniments to bring out to the patio. The trouble was they were in no cohesive order. Just solitary words and I was having trouble stringing them together. Colin joined me too quickly. I sat there, as he fixed himself some coffee, sat back in his chair and waited.

"This is really hard, Colin. You won't be happy!"

Colin set his cup down in front of him and pushed his chair closer to the table.

"Just tell me, Hilly."

So, that's just what I did. Once I started I was able to string those words together. I laid it all out for Colin. I told him all about Ken's inquiries in Monte Carlo and how Jack had inadvertently spilled the beans. Then about our meeting in London, his showing up on the set uninvited. I ended with the reason I wanted to give Ken his own trip to the ER the other day was because he was baiting me by alluding to his affections for Diane in a way only I would get. I explained to Colin, it was like he was toying with us all. Lurking in the shadows under the mistaken impression that if Colin was out of the picture, Ken could take his place. Banking on the fact that I would keep his secret, in order to spare Colin's feelings. It all came out in a tumble, but it came out. For the first time is almost a year I felt cleansed. I looked over at Colin, who had remained silent throughout. He was sitting back in his chair, his head was down, but his knuckles were white as he gripped the arms of his chair. I watched as he got up, reached for his coffee cup, drained it and then hurled it across the patio. It landed on the opposite wall, shattering into a million pieces. Then the pacing began, the furious muttering. When he returned to the table I saw that his eyes were filled with wild anger. I got up from my seat and handed him by own cup, which met the same fate as the first. As he made a second pass at the table and was eyeing the coffee pot I knew that enough was enough. I got between him and his next victim and took hold of his shoulders.

"Colin! Stop!"

"That bloody... that bloody, fucking tosser!"

"Completely! But destroying innocent crockery is not the answer."

Colin looked at me for a minute and then started laughing. I guess the absurdness of it all finally hit. It hit me as well and I joined him. I let him go and sat back down. He pulled his chair over closer to me and sat as well.

"In a way, I opened that door."

"Yes, you did, Colin."

"So when you are going to tell Diane, Hilly?"

"I'm not going to tell her!"

"Diane has to be told."

"Agreed."

"Well, if you don't tell her, who will?"

I took a cigarette from my pack and lit it. I just sat back and waited. It's always been said of Colin that he is an intelligent man. This is very true and it took him about ten seconds to get it.

"Me?"

"You!"

"No, no. I can't tell her."

Colin grabbed my free hand into his.

"You have to tell her, Hilly. You're so much better at explaining things to her than I am!"

"Cyrano has retired, remember?"

That got Colin laughing again. He shook his head and was smiling.

"And a well-deserved retirement, after too many years of faithful service."

"Just speak from your heart, Colin. That's really all there is to it."

Colin nodded and released my hand. He got up and looked over to his handiwork.

"I best get the broom and dustbin."

"And I'll put Di's room to rights."

As I gathered up her clothes, folding them and putting them away, I came across the outfit she had been wearing that day in the park. The day I had gotten so angry with her for messing around with Ken. It was only ten days ago, yet it seemed like ten years. I heard Colin come in and deposit the broken shards in the trash can. I peeked out the bedroom door and watched him spill out the coffee into the sink and run the water for a fresh pot. This weird, weird trip had transformed us all in some way. We were all going to be fine, we were all going the make it, we were all moving forward. I knew this absolutely. Just as I knew, absolutely, there would be those we would have to leave behind.