Epilogue

Knightsbridge

31 December

Two days in I was yet to settle. It had been more than two years, I was informed at the desk downstairs, since anyone had rented this flat. I knew he was right. It had been that long. Informed of my impending stay it had been cleaned, it was obvious. Fresh linens and such, but it was the same. One would suppose Colin had stopped by or phoned or something. He hadn't. Why would he have? I was here on business and it was holidays around most of the world. I'd left my family behind, he'd be with his.

I had gotten a call from Nick. Asked if it was too much to wait another week before we got together on any brainstorming and where we wanted the script to go. It was fine. I'd said I could start playing around with something to see where it lead and we could look at it...whenever. That's if I could even get a start on it. I already had six weeks to work some of it....any of it and I hadn't. Tim and Eric had said it was probably best to wait until the holidays were over to even begin. Wise notion that. But they didn't understand I wasn't not writing because of the holidays. I wasn't not writing because the damn book was me and Colin. It wasn't the first time I'd used him as the model for a character. It was the first time he actually was the character, save the name. Maybe they saw it, maybe they didn't. In any case I was and knew I would continue to have trouble doing it again in another genre; especially given where we were - he and I - which was basically, we weren't. I know there had been times before where we hadn't seen nor heard from each other for longer periods of time than six weeks. Sure, fine, I can concede that, but this was all too different. It had been this way for over a year. On and off. Hot and cold. Angry and not. First him, then me. And it all boiled down to one thing - ridiculous, childish behavior. Both of us, in the beginning of all the shit, should have just let it ride and gone on. Neither of us had.

So here I sat with a cup of tea near midnight, alone. It was cold and snowing outside and it was just another night going to turn into another day and another year and I felt pretty much the same this time as I had a year ago. I had even less people to celebrate with. Last year at least Thom and I were together and we sat in front of the fireplace and got annoyed by our neighbors celebrating. Even without Hilly and Jack we had one another. Oh, Thom had called earlier, said he'd call midnight here if he was home. It would be six o'clock in Texas at midnight in Knightsbridge. Somehow I doubted my phone would ring.

I wasn't even enjoying the snow now was I? I didn't feel like walking out into the quiet beauty of it or finding a park to run around in. It wasn't my country and it wasn't really all that familiar. It was different somehow. Maybe I was different. One thing was certain; I wasn't at all happy to be here, but I was and I would get the contract out of the way and be done with it. I could get some semblence of my pre-movie life back, not all of it. Not the part I so desperately wanted back.

I'd spent today at least trying to make progress towards the end reason I was in London at all in the dead of winter. I'd gotten the computer, Working Title had procured for me, set up in the guest room. I'd moved the bed aside and fashioned a desk of the vanity. It would do. I had my laptop to load up anything I might need to take with on meetings with Nick. We'd agreed it would be best to change venues each time, keep it fresh. I gathered most times, though, I'd be going to Highbury. And I finally realized I hadn't eaten. So now I was sitting in front of this damn computer, with tea, totally blank, freezing my ass off and starving. Yes, I could picture one famous female movie character as I stared at my online diary unable to say anything to my marvelous Myrtle. No, I would need nourishment, not doubt of it.

I took my laptop to the living room and sat it on the coffee table then grabbed the phone and dialed downstairs. I inquired after any place that might be available, at eleven o'clock on New Year's Eve, to deliver some form of food to me. The clerk said he'd check around and get back to me, what was I feeling like having? I gave him a few things to check into and hung up. I went to the bedroom and pulled the comforter off the bed, wrapped in it and headed for the kitchen, I needed more tea. Real tea; starting from watching a kettle boil. Hey, it passed the time didn't it? What else was there to do? Just as steam started to come out there was a hard knock at the door. Food! Thank God. I turned the burner down and walked over without opening. I didn't need any loonies or semi-drunk people disturbing my wonderful evening.

"Yes? What is it?"

I heard a throat clear.

"Pizza? Possibly some sex after, if that......"

I pulled the door open as fast as I could.

"Colin?"