Reconciliation

12 - 13 November

I closed the door to the penthouse with a sigh and I all I could think was, "what the fuck!?" It had been an evening filled with tension and misunderstanding. There seemed to be too many of them lately. More than was to my taste for sure. I was alone and not quite comfortable with the silence that solitude brings. When I was busy or distracted by other things I didn't have to deal with thoughts that were always in the back of my mind. I poured myself a brandy from the mini bar and checked the time; it was the wee hours of the morning in D.C. Despite Diane's urging, I had not invited Jack to come to LA this time and he had not asked. In fact, he asked very few questions about this trip, except to inquire as to where I was staying and when I'd be home. That's how it was between us since the summer. He continued to call every night as he always did when he was away, we talked, but it was strained. Our unresolved conflict had not corrected itself on its own, as those things never do and the small crack that had been in the wall was turning into a major fracture. I was on the balcony when I heard the knock. I thought it was Diane, why was she back so soon? I never even bothered checking the peep hole and just opened the door.
"Di, why are you…"
It wasn't Diane; it was Jack. He was dressed in his tuxedo. He looked so damn sexy that I almost forgot how crazy he'd made me these past few months.
"Jack! What are you doing here?"
"Hilly, you just open the door without checking?"
"I thought it was Diane."
"I saw her in the lobby, going out is she?"
I just nodded my head.
"She'll be back later, just out for a bit."
"I see."
"Jack, don't start."
"I'm not starting. Can I come in?"
"Why are you here?"
"Are we going to have this conversation in the doorway?"
I didn't answer, but I stepped aside to let him in. I will admit I was not greeting him in the most cordial manner. Part of me wanted to run into his arms and hold him close, but my stubborn side held me firmly in place.
"So?"
"Hilly, I needed to see you. I need to talk to you."
"Well, you could have waited until I got home. Why the sudden urge to cross the country? I thought you were too busy, your workload too heavy."
"Is that why you never asked me this time? Cause of work?"
"It was more than that Jack; you know why I didn't ask you this time. You have made your position quite clear, crystal in fact."
My heart was beating like a rabbit's. Jack was not Mr. Spontaneity. He was not the type of man that did anything spur of the moment. That was me. He expected the unexpected from me, not the other way around. What did he have to say that was of such critical importance for him to come to LA and not just wait until I returned to Austin? I didn't like the answers that were creeping into my head. I swallowed hard.
"So, talk."
I sat down on the couch; my arms were crossed against my chest. I knew my voice and my body language had a challenging tone to it. It was masking a feeling of fear, fear that maybe I had pushed him too hard on this issue and he had enough of it and me.
"Damn it, Hilly, I thought you would be happy that I came. Do you know what I had to go through to get out here?"
"I didn't ask you to. This was your choice Jack."
He was standing in front of me and just staring at me. He didn't look angry, he looked hurt.
"I wanted to try to explain, to put things right. I had a lot of time to think in D.C. I've missed you Hilly. But if you'd rather be alone, rather have me gone."
I knew that Jack wasn't just referring to the physical distance that separated us all these months and I also knew to what he was referring regarding my desire to be alone. In that very moment I crashed, I wanted off the emotional roller coaster. I couldn't answer him. I just burst into tears. He came over to me and knelt in front of me.
"No... Hilly, don't."
He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.
"I miss you too, Jack."
He got up and sat next me to. He pulled me close to him and my head rested against his chest. He was stroking my hair and trying to comfort me.
"I've been going over it all, Hilly. Things you have said, what Thom has said to me. Frankly, that's all I have thought about. I guess I'll never fully understand it, but I forgot one very important fact here."
He lifted my head so that he was looking directly into my eyes.
"You understand it Hilly and more than that, you can accept it. There must be something to it all if you are able to do that, since under normal circumstances you would never."
"Jack…"
He put his fingers on my lips.
"I'm not finished. I can't be entirely on board with this Hilly, but I think I'm close enough. When they need you to be their ally, just know that I'll be yours."
My eyes were filled with tears again. All I could manage was to nod my head yes. That's really all I ever wanted from Jack. I rested my head against his chest again and snuggled into him.
"That's all I need to hear."
We just sat there for a moment, relishing the closeness that had been absent for so long.
"Oh I brought you a present, a peace offering."
Jack had a mischievous twinkle in his eye and a cheeky smile on his face. He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was a letter confirming a reservation for a week's stay; starting the day after Christmas, at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont. Not just any one mind you, the one we stayed at on our honeymoon. We had always talked about going back, it just never happened.
"How did you? My case load…"
"Talked to Maggie, your cases are taken care of."
"Yes, but…"
"No buts, Hilly. It's all set."
Jack was full of surprises tonight. He was romantic in his own way, but this was beyond anything he had ever done for me, for us.
"Ya know, you owe me something."
I looked at him. That twinkle and smile were still there, even more so.
"Oh?"
"I do remember a promise of wanton sex if I came to LA in a tux."
I laughed and threw my arms around his neck. I gave him a kiss that let him know I fully intended on making good on that promise.